As I started to uncover all the holes that existed in my life, I have to admit I started to feel quite hopeless.
I wasn't loved growing up? I'm fucked. My dad, who did love me, is passed? Where do I go? I'm done, I'm screwed. Parents are supposed to love you, if they didn't, you're shit out of luck. There's no coming back from that.
Just give up and accept it.
However, at the same time, I continued to try and give to others. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Give them my time, my energy. Give them understanding. My therapist picked up on that and asked, "Can you give all those things to yourself?"
Give them to myself? That's possible? I don't think I have any other choice. I have to try.
So I started to give to myself. But what do I give? How do I give? There's limitations, right? I don't give EVERYTHING, do I? I'm not supposed to do that. That makes me a bad person. If I give to myself, I'm selfish.
I'll start with giving myself love. That's something. I'll start there.
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